I never actually thought about it, what is going to happen in the days and months after losing a loved one. Since mum was diagnosed with cancer, unfortunately I had enough time to think about how the last few months, weeks and days may look like. I did have an image of the funeral and what I was going to say, and the people I might see there on the day. Then the 7 days of mourning per the Jewish tradition. But what was going to happen next – I never actually considered.
Then, about a month after I lost my mum, I came across a new terminology – “The Grieving Process“. I’ve never heard about it before, but I immediately recognised that this is exactly what I was going through, the stage I am at and the mixed emotions full of deep Regrets, Memories and pure Sadness.
Many people think of grief as a single instance or short time of pain or sadness in response to a loss – Grieving involves many different emotions, actions, and expressions, all of which help the person come to terms with the loss of a loved one.
One good old friend ‘welcomed’ me to the “one of my parents has died” club, saying “those who have experienced it know it, those who haven’t can’t quite grasp it in the same way”. A fellow co-worker said we had something in common that he wished we never had (apparently both of us lost our mum to the same bloody cancer). And finally a friend I haven’t seen for a while summarized it by saying “It’s the worst thing”. And unfortunately he know.
Apparently there are 5 Stages of Grief & Loss:
Some interesting reading material here as a reference to experts in this ‘field’:
Well, this is hard enough to write about, so I better leave it right there. I’m not quite sure at which stage I’m currently at, somewhere between Anger and Depression. Otherwise, maybe I’m going through a different experience overall.
Grieving is a personal process that has no time limit, nor one “right” way to do it.
There are hard days full of regrets and longing, other days are filled with memories. What I found right for me is to talk about my feelings, and unfortunately was surprised to see how many of my friends are careful not to say anything about it, as if they prefer not to ‘touch on the subject’, afraid not to make me upset. Well, don’t be. It is much better to let it all out, talk about it, and let the tears flow. It would make me feel better. Well, as much as it can make anything better, given the circumstances…
Your loved ones will ALWAYS be in your heart. FOREVER!